While I try my best to adjust to life in the 21st Century there are times when I long for the ‘good ol’ days.’  And the good ol’ days I refer to is long before we knew about automated phone systems and people working in customer service who can’t speak English.

Before you remind me that I’m old and label me politically incorrect, let me explain.

Yesterday afternoon I was looking at my online banking and noticed a charge of $84.99 for anti-virus protection for my computer.  I also noticed that it was a reputable firm and there was a phone number attached.  Only problem is, I didn’t order it but felt like it might be an automatic renewal.  However, I have a new computer and didn’t need the renewal.

I called the bank and they told me to first start the process I needed to call the company.  There was a number with the Memo Post on my account.  It was a Texas phone number but I also knew that didn’t necessarily mean the person on the other end was going to be in the Lone Star State.

So, I dialed the number and that started me on a 45-minute odyssey that caused my blood pressure to rise along with the hair on the back of my neck  and finally prompted me to utter a few expletives under my breath.

Call me old fashioned, but I trust people to be able to direct my call in the direction it needs to go, and showing that I’m not completely comfortable with all the modern gadgets at our daily disposal, I want it to be known that I don’t trust an automated voice to have the slightest inkling about who I need to talk to.

In fact, anytime I make a phone call and I’m greeted by a recorded voice I immediately become irritated and impatient. And I get even antsier when the recorded voice prompts me to talk to him/her … or it … or them … (I’m not sure what word to use when carrying on a conversation with a machine).

The message began by thanking me for calling and telling me to press 1 for English. This added to my angst because I think we should all speak English, period.  See, I told you I was politically incorrect.  However, trying to resolve this matter and get my $85 bucks back I pressed ‘1.’

The nasally automated male voice on the other end then told me that if I had a touch-tone phone I would have to make a simple choice about which specific department that I wanted to speak with.

Sounds pretty simple, huh? Well, let me assure you it’s not, especially for a person whose irritation and impatience are escalating by the second.
The ‘voice’ then reeled off a menu of five choices that were available. All I had to do was push the right button and I would soon be speaking with a person that could help me.

The secret, I learned long ago when dealing with an automated system that offers choices, is to wait until you’ve heard all the choices before making a decision. No matter how certain you are that number 1 or number 3 is the right one, I can assure you from past heartache and grief that you’re better off to listen to all the choices. Otherwise, you get to go back to square one and start all over again, which is not a pleasant experience.

The only catch, if you’re like me anyway, is that by the time all five choices are given, I’ve usually forgotten what the first three were. So, with great doubt I pushed the button I thought would get me to the right person, but was told that I would need a different department.

Then, when I tried to push the button for that department I was told by the ‘voice’ that I’d made an “invalid entry” and that I should place my call again. Nearly five minutes had elapsed since I placed the call and I never spoke with a real, live person.

Perhaps it’s an example of my resistance to change or the fact that I’m a baby boomer who can still recall the days of the ‘party-line’ when three or four families in the same neighborhood shared the same phone line, but I’m one of those people who find a certain measure of comfort and security in hearing a living, breathing human being – complete with a pulse and a heartbeat – on the other end of the telephone line.

Well, as I would learn during this experience … at least sometimes I do.

When I finally reached that person with a pulse and heartbeat he told me his name which I couldn’t understand and he began to speak with a heavy Middle Eastern or Indian accent.  I tried to explain to him why I was calling and what I needed but when he replied I had a very difficult time understanding him.  If I said, ‘pardon’ or ‘could you please repeat that’ once I said it a dozen times during the 10 minute call.  At one point, I simply said, ‘I’m sorry but I can’t understand you.’  How important, I asked myself more than once during the ordeal, is this $85 to you.

And let me say I am glad the young man is working – he just doesn’t need to be working in customer service.

After what seemed like all afternoon we finally got the matter resolved and just as the young man promised he sent me a confirmation email telling me that the money would be back in my account in 5-10 days.

After giving it some thought (about 15 seconds) I decided if the money is not back in my account in that time frame I’ll not make a return call and here’s why:  When factoring in my sanity, nerves, health, patience and perseverance, not to mention my time … I’m not sure it’s worth 85 bucks to endure – and I really do mean ‘endure’  — another experience with an automated phone system.

By Walter Wendler

We have begun to hold a readily visible evidence of education, the degree or certification, as valuable in and of itself.  But these are emblems too often having little to do with knowing something or having the ability to do anything.
No man who worships education has got the best out of education… Without a gentle contempt for education no man’s education is complete.

– Gilbert K. Chesterton
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On Tuesday, February 12, 2013, President Barack Obama presented his State of the Union address. In it he proposed a concept called the “college scorecard.”  It’s a nice idea and it addresses issues of value as people make choices about college attendance. The five topics on the college scorecard include: cost, graduation rate, loan default rates, borrowing rates, and postgraduate employment for college goers. Who could argue the importance of considering any of these issues individually or collectively?

However, the White House website that supports the college scorecard reveals issues that give me pause, as it touts a number of specious concepts about college that drive the cost up and the value down.

At the top of the list, “Earning a post-secondary degree or credential is no longer just a pathway to opportunity for a talented few; rather, it is a prerequisite for the growing jobs of the new economy.”  Young people and families get the idea that a degree is necessary for a good job and a happy life. It is not true for all. And the fear of being left behind coerces otherwise thoughtful people into poor decisions.

When students are driven to “easy” degrees that far too many universities, public, private and for profit dispense like jelly beans, in a misbegotten form of profiteering, a charade is at work for non-existent jobs and insidious debt.

President Obama offered the political goal, “…that by 2020, America would once again have the highest proportion of college graduates in the world.”  A noble target, moving the U.S. back to number one in the world from our current standing of 16; however, if the degrees themselves are valued as tokens or emblems, they may represent and advance neither learning nor earning for the holder.

But this goal comes with a price tag.  The White House website points out that, “In 2010, graduates who took out loans left college owing an average of more than $26,000. Student loan debt has now surpassed credit card debt for the first time ever.”  Who is left holding the bag? Students, families and all taxpayers.

And construction on the house of cards continues. President Obama wants to double the investment in Pell Grants. This could be a good idea if the grants were only allocated to demonstrably capable students pursuing degrees in areas where national need and employability exist. Tax dollars supporting the mirage of personal growth, absent any cost/value understanding or truthfulness, is not good public policy, although it sounds good on the stump.  But, how many people with low value degrees are needed to support the “new economy?”

According to a recent Georgetown University study, students graduating from architecture school post the highest unemployment rate in the nation at 13.9%, behind disciplines such as fine arts, philosophy and religious studies, anthropology, and history, to identify just a few. As an architect this grieves me as I earnestly explain the current employment projections to prospective students and families. By the time a new freshman graduates, those projections will likely be different and I tell them that too.  If they are genuinely good at what they do, they will always find work.  They can fight the odds if they want to, but should do so armed with legitimate hesitation, not abject fear.

Universities in concert with state and national government could make constructive suggestions about how to address the demands of “growing jobs for the new economy.”  BTW, I wish somebody would explain to me what the new economy is. I still own stock in the old economy.  A person with intellectual insight, skill, and creativity, whether ritualized in formal education, scavenged off the internet, or accumulated through “hard knocks” will have value in the marketplace. Whatever happened to capability as the measure of worth?

To ameliorate the damage of the egalitarian idea that utopia will be reached when everyone has a formal education, the idea itself, fueled by the fear of poverty and/or ignorance, must be put aside.

A few decades ago, presumably well-intended legislators devastated the economy by steering our nation towards pervasive home ownership with undeserved loans for unaffordable houses.  A different kind of utopia but utopia nonetheless. Together these desires have driven our nation and citizenry into a mountain of debt, and achieved little in alleviating the burden of ignorance, or inability to innovate and produce, to our economy.

Our universities need to do better. We need to put the student’s needs and aspirations first and tell them the truth about the value of a degree in a chosen field: then the student, institution, and nation will prosper.  We expect rhetoric from the elected classes, but our universities should be transparent.

(Editor’s Note: I have read with much interest the story about the Applebee’s waitress who posted the restaurant check of the minister who left the message that she gives God 10 percent and asks why a waitress should get more.  There was more than eight people in the pastor’s party and the auto-tip of 18 percent kicked in.  The waitress posted the check on Reddit and was fired.  I dug this column out that I wrote more than a decade ago that points out that when it comes to tipping — some people get and some don’t.   JM)

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Jennifer is in her early 20s and works as a waitress in a restaurant in Mt. Vernon.

Like many young people her age that are pursuing a degree, Jennifer chose the flexibility of a job in food service as she works her way through college.

I would imagine there are millions of young people just like Jennifer who are working nights and weekends as waitresses and waiters, delivering pizzas, bartending and bussing tables as they try to further their education. Anybody that has ever walked in those shoes knows it is far from an easy job or pace.

Because of my penchant for Mexican food — Monterey jack fajitas at Chili’s is my favorite – my wife Lisa and I eat at the restaurant where Jennifer works every couple of weeks.  She has served as our waitress several times and always does an excellent job.

However, on a recent trip to the restaurant Jennifer seemed a little out of sorts. She stopped by our table and explained that her mood had soured after a couple she had waited on left a business card on her table. Obviously flustered by the action, she produced the small, black and white card for us to see.

The card read: C.A.T. – Customers Against Tipping – Dear Server, (Please give this card to your employer). I left this card with your server tonight instead of a normal cash tip. I did this because I do not agree that customers should pay twice for a meal. Your server should be paid better wages instead of relying on tips to make a decent earning.

Showing my politically incorrect side, today’s column deals with ‘restaurant profiling’ and divides the general public into two categories – those that get it and those that don’t.  Or, maybe better stated those that understand what it’s like to work for tips and those that don’t.

My theory, and its only a theory, is that in most instances tipping is not based on wealth or poverty.  Instead, it’s based on the jobs a person has had in their life.  In short, those who have ever had to work and sometimes survive on tip money understand the art of tipping much better than those that haven’t.

I learned about the tipping process at a relatively older age. After working nearly 20 years in the coal industry I was one of thousands that lost my job because of the Clean Air Act. I started attending college for the first time ever at age 38 and was working three part time jobs to try and keep the wolf away from the door.  One of those jobs was as a pizza deliveryman for Domino’s in Benton.  And let me quickly say before I move on that, yes, I was one heckuva good pizza slinger and on numerous occasions was awarded the coveted “Driver of the Month” award.

I soon learned that there was no rhyme or reason to tipping. For instance, one Saturday night at nearly midnight we received two orders.  The two houses were only a few blocks away so I took both deliveries.  A steady cold rain was falling when I arrived at the first house; a beautiful home located in one of the better sections of town.  I was completely drenched as I made the long walk up the driveway and rang the doorbell. By the looks of the house, I thought, I should get a good tip here. The pizza cost $13.85 and the woman handed me $14.  As I turned and started to walk away the woman cleared her throat and said, “uhhh … I think you forgot to give me my 15 cents change.”

Then to make matters worse I dropped the dime and nickel and was bent over in the rain trying to pick it up.  Needless to say, I muttered a few expletives under by breath as I trudged back to my car in the pelting rain.

The second delivery was a modest home that paled in comparison to the previous stop.  I recognized the woman that answered the door as the waitress that worked at a local restaurant.  She handed me a check that included the price of the pizza and a $4 tip. There is only one lesson that could be learned from the two contrasting stops: when it comes to tipping there are those that get it and those that don’t.

My oldest daughter, Lyndsay, is in the nursing program at John A. Logan College and works three weekend shifts as a waitress at Bob Evans in Marion. A recent conversation we had about the way people tip adds yet more proof to my theory.

“I didn’t understand about tips until I started working here,” she said. “When I go out to eat now it changes the way I tip the server because I know now how important tips are.”

The next time you go out to eat, particularly if you’ve never worked for tips, I challenge you to take a moment and put yourself in the shoes of the person catering to your every need.  Regardless if it’s a student, a single mom or even a middle-age person trying to make an honest living, keep in mind that giving an extra dollar or five on top of 15 percent might make a difference in that person’s life that week.  And also keep in mind that the person waiting on your table is at the mercy of cooks and bartenders in providing your service.

And to those who might have gained a little insight and understanding from today’s columns about those who hustle our food and drinks to us, there’s no extra charge.

Just consider it a tip.