(NOTE: It was announced yesterday that 27-year-old Mathew Warren — the son of popular Pastor Rick Warren – pastor of the 20,000 member Saddleback Valley Community Church — committed suicide after a life-long struggle with depression and mental illness.  I read with equal interest, amazement and disgust the comments of a wide variety of people who felt compelled to offer kindness and prayers or vitriol and hate-filled comments about the tragedy.  Suicide is a delicate subject and I faced that subject head-on nearly a decade ago when the 20-year-old son of two people I count as friends committed suicide. I asked them if they would talk to me so I could write about what they and their son went through. They agreed and below is the column I wrote in August 2004.  Please share your thoughts about this column and about your views on the tragedy surrounding the Warren family.  Please be candid, honest but most of all thoughtful.  Thanks.   JM) 

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It’s often said that the greatest grief that any person can experience is the death of a child. On a hot and humid day last week I sat face to face with that grief.

Loren and Cheryl Boyd agreed to talk with me about the death of their 20-year-old son John, who attempted suicide on July 17 and then spent eight days on life support in a St. Louis hospital before dying on July 26. The pain of the death and the toll of those eight days showed in the Boyd’s faces as we sat in the front yard of their Benton home.

Before I move ahead it’s important that I fill in a few blanks about John. Even a casual news observer has probably heard of Boyd who had his name splashed across Southern Illinois news media outlets when he was accused of entering a storage facility at the Franklin County Jail and stealing 7-8 pounds of marijuana that had been seized by COMIT agents during a drug bust in Hamilton County in September 2002.

After more than 20 months winding through the Franklin County Court system Boyd entered a negotiated guilty plea to a single count of unlawful possession of marijuana. In exchange for the guilty plea one count of burglary and one count of theft – the now infamous Franklin County Jail marijuana burglary and theft — were dismissed.

During my conversation with Loren and Cheryl they didn’t mince words when talking about the troubles that John encountered during his life. They admitted that he once stole a four-wheeler, had spent time in jail and ran with a rough crowd.

However, the Boyd’s don’t believe John stole the marijuana from the Franklin County Jail and neither do most people who followed the case. But, that really doesn’t matter now because that sordid little piece of Franklin County history died when John did.

During an hour-long conversation the Boyd’s were much more focused on talking about the good things he did that went unnoticed.

Cheryl talked about a penchant her son had for donating blood and said he often wanted to give to those less fortunate.

“He was always concerned about people who were disabled or poor,” Cheryl said. “He loved taking the meals at Thanksgiving to people that couldn’t get out and he loved delivering Christmas baskets to the needy.”

She related that John once gave away a $130 pair of tennis shoes to a classmate that was poor and also gave away a leather coat to a high school classmate.

“Those are things that nobody ever knew about John,” she said.

Loren recalled two vacations, one in New Orleans and one in Chicago, where John witnessed panhandlers for the first time.

“You had to carry his money or he would give it all away,” his dad recalled. “If somebody looked like they needed money he’d give them all he had. Even when he was in jail there was an old guy in there that didn’t have any family and John would tell us to put money on his ‘book’ with the jailers so he could buy snacks and soda.”

There will be those who will choose to remember John by recalling a troubled life that quickly spiraled downward after he was accused of stealing marijuana from the county jail. Others might remember him because of a few scrapes with the law or the crowd that he ran with.

However, when I think of him I’m going to think about a story his parents related to me, a story that portrayed a far different person than the one pictured in the media.

Ever since he was a child John was interested in organ donation and as soon as he was old enough, he signed up to be a donor. During the eight long days that Loren and Cheryl spent helplessly watching their son’s life ebb away they were also making plans to see that his desire was fulfilled and that his organs were fully harvested.

Because of John a 50-year-old man woke up in St. Louis today with a new lease on life. In critical condition and with less than a week to live he received John’s liver. Perhaps that nameless, faceless man is enjoying a sunrise this morning or making plans to spend the day with his grandkids or just simply go for a leisurely walk. Two people in Nebraska each received a kidney and dialysis will now no longer be a part of their weekly life. Every major organ, his tissue and even the bones of his arms and legs were harvested and will provide help to scores of people. Despite the troubles in his life, in the end John helped an untold number of people in need.

Before taking his life John wrote a letter addressed to his parents and girlfriend – a letter his parents shared with me. Repeatedly saying he was sorry for the times he messed up in his life there was one particular sentence that yanked at my heart. It read: “I loved you all more than you think or will ever know but my mind was just too much for me to handle.”

There have been many times in my life, and my conversation with the Boyd’s was one of them, when I’ve thought about the afterlife and wondered about people like John that chose to take their own life. There are those who tell us that we must walk a straight and narrow path in order to reap the rewards of the hereafter and that committing suicide is not part of that path. But, on the other hand I think of God as loving and compassionate and always fair.

I’m certain many theologians, ministers and know-it-alls will disagree but I want to believe that maybe, just maybe, there’s a place of rest and peace set aside for all the ‘Johns’ of the world – all those that have too much on their mind to handle and who struggle and battle but eventually lose to the daily demons they fight.

I hope I’m right.

 By Bruce A. Fasol

Retired U.S. Congressman Kenneth Gray is resting comfortably in a St.Louis hospital after falling at his West Frankfort home on Wednesday. Gray suffered injuries to his arm, and a blow to the head. The injuries were traumatic, but non-life threatening.

It was primarily concern from the head trauma that places Gray at Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis. Doctors are running tests to determine the extent of any damage to the brain from the fall.

Gray’s wife, Pastor Toedy Gray spoke with franklincounty-news.com at the hospital. She said, “Kenny is talking, awake, and responsive. We are awaiting the tests they are to do on him before they can release him.”

Mrs. Gray was not sure when that release could come, but was hopeful to have him back in southern Illinois by the end of the weekend.

Ken Gray suffered a stroke in early 2000, and has had other health concerns that have seen him hospitalized. Still. he has been a function at many civic events across the region, especially those dedicated to veterans.

Gray served nearly 20 years as a U.S. Congressman and was labeled “The Prince of Pork” – a title he gladly accepted – for the millions of dollars that he brought back to his district in work projects. Gray was the driving force behind the creation of Rend Lake – a 19,000-acre man-made lake that draws millions of tourists to Southern Illinois each year- and Interstate 57 that the length of the state.

Family members, friends, and fellow church members from Christian Worship Center have been awaiting progress reports, at the hospital. However, Gray remains in the Intensive Care Unit and can have only limited visitation.

Light a candle in memory or honor of a loved one

Proceeds to benefit a comprehensive cancer center in southern Illinois

 (Carbondale, IL) – While reservations for the SIH Foundation Dinner Gala to help raise funds for a regional cancer center filled quickly, many southern Illinoisans are asking how they can still support the event.

The SIH Foundation is offering honorary votive candles to be on display during the April 12 event at the SIU Student Center ballrooms to fill the need.

“The support has been fantastic. We have received calls from countless individuals over the last week asking how they can play a part in the fundraiser. These votive candles are available to memorialize or honor loved ones who have been touched by cancer,” said SIH Director of Fund Development Gene Honn. “The candles will be lit and on display that evening with a name represented on each, which will create a moving ambience. Lighting a candle is a great way to support our Hope is Home campaign and the need for a cancer center in our area.”

Anyone may purchase a votive candle and need not be present at the event to support in this way. To do so, visit www.sihfoundationdinner.com.

Many additional ways exist for southern Illinoisans to play a part in this lasting legacy. Visit www.sih.net, and click on the “Giving” link to learn more or call (618) 457-5200, extension 67843.

For more information, contact SIH Communications Coordinator Rosslind Rice at (618) 457-5200 ext. 67875 office or (618) 534-2848 cell. Email rosslind.rice@sih.net.

By Jim Muir

For more than 20 years Whittington Church has been bringing the events of the Passion Week to life and they will continue that tradition March 22 -23 with the presentation of “Faithful Friend.”

Eric Haney serves as director of the play that is performed by the Drama Ministry at the church.  Haney said it takes three to four months preparation for the 75-minute program.

“As far as preparation we start right after Christmas getting ready for this event,” said Haney.  “It just depends when Easter is on a particular year – sometimes we get three months to prepare and sometimes we get four.”

The play was written by church member Eric Tindall and Haney said the two collaborated while putting the final draft together.

“I’m not a writer,” said Haney. “I’m more of a ‘tweaker’ … I can see it but I can’t write it, but Eric (Tindall) had the vision for this and wrote the rough draft and then we sat down and put it together.”

Haney said the format is based on the Apostle John as an old man living in Ephesus, the only remaining apostle, witnessing to a Roman soldier.

“Through this one evening John is witnessing and telling stories about Jesus to this Roman soldier and of course when he goes to a particular story we portray that story in a live drama,” said Haney. “Throughout the night we tell the story of the betrayal, crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus”

Haney said in all more than 100 people will be involved in the production of “Faithful Friend.”

“Most of the time there is 100-120 people on average involved,” said Haney. “When you factor in cast and crew, and those that donate their time to help in just any way they are needed, it takes that many.  We use live animals in the marketplace, period costumes and then the lighting and dramatic effects.  The play also incorporates acting, singing, choreography and special effects.”

Haney said several years back the play was moved to the week before Easter in hopes of drawing more people to Whittington for the annual event.  Haney said despite small changes and ‘tweaks’ that have been made through the years there is always a two-pronged goal each year when the Passion week play is presented.

“For a church production I think those attending will be pleasantly surprised at the quality, especially coming from this little church in Whittington.  We have always taken a lot of pride in this production,” said Haney.  “But, our main focus is to introduce those attending to Jesus and show that he is a faithful friend.”

Bob Pankey, associate pastor at Whittington Church, noted that this is the 23rd year the Easter play has been presented and emphasized that the focus has steadfastly remained the same.

“The goal has always been to present the events of the Passion week in a way that is professional, touches lives, and is true to the Bible,” said Pankey.  “But the main focus, as always, is on Jesus and the events surrounding his death on the cross, his burial and his victory over death. It’s always an emotional and soul stirring journey.”

The play last 75 minutes and incorporates acting, singing, choreography, and special effects. The play begins at 7 p.m. both nights.  There is no charge  and reserved seating is available for groups by calling the church office at 629-2423. You can view a trailer video for the production at www.whittington.org.