So if God expects us to forgive others, what does healthy, biblical forgiveness look like? Here’s a four-part process that we should walk through as we’re dealing with pain brought upon by others.

1. Recognize no one is perfect. When we hate somebody, we tend to lose our perspective about that person. When we’re filled with resentment and bitterness and hurt, we tend to dehumanize the offender. We treat that person like an animal.But we’re all in the same boat. The Bible says, “Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20 NLT). We’re all imperfect.
2. Relinquish your right to get even. This is the heart of forgiveness. The Bible says, “Never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it” (Romans 12:19 TLB). You deserve to retaliate, but you must commit not to do so. It’s not fair, but it’s healthy. This isn’t a one-time decision but a daily one that may even require moment-by-moment decisions.
3. Respond to evil with good. This is how you know you’ve fully released someone from the wrong that has been committed against you. Humanly speaking, it’s nearly impossible to respond to evil with good. You’ll need God’s help. You’ll need the love of Jesus to fill you up. Why? God’s love doesn’t keep track of wrongs (see 1 Corinthians 13).
4. Refocus on God’s plan for your life. You stop focusing on the hurt and the person who hurt you. Instead, you refocus on God’s purpose for your life, which is greater than any problem or pain you might be currently facing.As long as you continue to focus on the person who has hurt you, that person controls you. In fact, you can take it a step further. If you don’t release your offender, you will begin to resemble your offender.

So don’t sit another day in your resentment. If you’ve been holding on to pain caused by someone else, go through these four steps and move on to the rest of the life you were created to live!

If any guy ever had a reason to be resentful, it was Job. He was a godly man, who had everything he wanted — wealth, fame, and a great family. One day he lost it all. Enemy nations killed all his livestock. All of his children were killed. He got a terrible disease. He literally lost everything he had. All he had left was a nagging wife. Then his friends came along and said, “Job, it’s all your fault.”

Though Job had every reason to be resentful, he tells us in the biblical book named after him that resentment is a bad idea. Job says, “To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do” (Job 5:2 GNT).

Job was a wise man. He knew he didn’t have time to be resentful. He knew it was foolish, senseless, and illogical. If you think back through experiences in your own life, you’ll probably agree. We can do silly things when we’re caught up in resentment. We’ll say things like, “I’m going to get him!” Then we often do the ridiculous to make that happen. When we give in to resentment, we act in self-destructive ways and hurt ourselves much more than those we’re holding grudges against.

For example, I remember one time watching the old comedy act, “The Three Stooges.” Mo kept hitting Curly on the chest. Curly said, “I’m going to get even with that guy. I’m going to stop him!” So he took a stick of dynamite and strapped it to his own chest. Then he said, “Next time he slaps me, it’s going to blow his hand off!!”

That’s what happens when we’re resentful — we do really dumb things to try to get even with people. Worse yet, resentment isn’t helpful. It makes us miserable in the process. It never ends with us getting what we want.

So why do it? Don’t hold on to your resentment. Let it go. Forgive.

Because of how deeply we’ve been hurt, it’s hard to consider forgiving the perpetrators. But the Bible gives us one very important reason we need to forgive.

We forgive others because God forgave us.

The Bible says in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (NIV). Ponder how much God has forgiven you, and it’ll cause you to be more forgiving of those who have hurt you.

The opposite is also true. If you don’t feel forgiven, you’ll have a hard time forgiving others. If you typically have a tough time forgiving others, you may not truly feel forgiven yourself.

Think of it like this: God has completely wiped your sin slate clean because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross. All of the things you deserve to be paid back for have been cleared away because God has forgiven you. Own that statement for yourself, and you’ll find it increasingly tough to hold a grudge against someone else.

Remember this: No matter what anyone does to you, you’ll never have to forgive any other person more than God has already forgiven you.