The Bible says, “How can [anyone] stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word” (Psalm 119:9 NIV). To be sexually pure in the 21st century (or any other century for that matter), you’ll need a standard to live by. You can either build your standard by yourself or choose God’s standard. You must decide whether God knows more about your life than you do.

God says several things in his Word that aren’t popular — particularly when it comes to sex. Why does he say those things? He knows more about sex than you do. He also understands the implications far better than you do. You have to decide: “God, when I don’t understand it, when I don’t like it, and when it’s not popular, I’m going to do what your Word says, regardless of what I think or what my friends think.”

Until you’re willing to make that kind of commitment, you may as well close up your Bible and go back to bed. Without that commitment, you’re not ready to be pure in an impure world. You can only be pure by following God’s standard.

God thought up sex. It was his idea, but he did put a few parameters around it. His standard has never changed. It’s very clear regardless of opinion polls or anything else.

Sex is far more than physical. It’s a spiritual act with physical, social, legal, and emotional consequences. If sex were just physical, it’d be like a handshake. It wouldn’t matter who you had sex with. But sex is more than physical.

The Bible makes it clear that sex is exclusively reserved for a husband and a wife who are committed to one another in a marriage. Anything outside of that, like sex before marriage and sex outside of marriage, will have profound consequences on your emotions and your spiritual life, and it may even physically harm you.

God’s standards are in your best interest. If you want to live by them — and avoid all the negative consequences that come from living outside of them — it starts with a commitment.

So if God expects us to forgive others, what does healthy, biblical forgiveness look like? Here’s a four-part process that we should walk through as we’re dealing with pain brought upon by others.

1. Recognize no one is perfect. When we hate somebody, we tend to lose our perspective about that person. When we’re filled with resentment and bitterness and hurt, we tend to dehumanize the offender. We treat that person like an animal.But we’re all in the same boat. The Bible says, “Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20 NLT). We’re all imperfect.
2. Relinquish your right to get even. This is the heart of forgiveness. The Bible says, “Never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it” (Romans 12:19 TLB). You deserve to retaliate, but you must commit not to do so. It’s not fair, but it’s healthy. This isn’t a one-time decision but a daily one that may even require moment-by-moment decisions.
3. Respond to evil with good. This is how you know you’ve fully released someone from the wrong that has been committed against you. Humanly speaking, it’s nearly impossible to respond to evil with good. You’ll need God’s help. You’ll need the love of Jesus to fill you up. Why? God’s love doesn’t keep track of wrongs (see 1 Corinthians 13).
4. Refocus on God’s plan for your life. You stop focusing on the hurt and the person who hurt you. Instead, you refocus on God’s purpose for your life, which is greater than any problem or pain you might be currently facing.As long as you continue to focus on the person who has hurt you, that person controls you. In fact, you can take it a step further. If you don’t release your offender, you will begin to resemble your offender.

So don’t sit another day in your resentment. If you’ve been holding on to pain caused by someone else, go through these four steps and move on to the rest of the life you were created to live!